[Under the influence of...whatever seems to be in the air today, Hagakure is compelled to reveal some personal information. This hits him while he's at the PokeMart and separated from his travel partner, and he's so eager to let some secrets go, he can't wait to get back to the hotel. So instead, he ducks behind the PokeMart and dials a random number in his 'Gear. Even if it's an anonymous confession, it's still a confession!]
Hey! This is totally random, but can you keep a secret?
I often wonder about how some Pokemon taste. Like, do they taste like their regular world counterparts? Does Vanillite taste like actual ice cream? Would a cooked Inkay taste like ikayaki?
Like...I'm never gonna act on it, but I wonder! Y'know?
[Oh, there's a message. That's new. Let's just see what this is and..
Okay, he's not on video, but this face? The one in the userpic? That's the face he's making as he listens to whatever this nonsense is because he specifically said that the messages should be something important. No one should ever waste his time. No one!
But rather than delete what is probably some sort of baffling spam, he'll call back because he would like to address this one personally.]
I believe you must have the wrong number. I'm almost certain absolutely no one in my social circle would inform me, Dio, of such a bizarre and questionable thought.
[Oh cool, the guy responded! Hagakure was happy to just get that out there, but talking about it works too.]
Nah, it wasn't a mistake! I just dialed numbers 'til I got one that would let a call go through.
But...yeah, I know it's weird. But I can't be the only one who's thought about it! Some of these things look like actual food! It's impossible not to consider it!
Not being some sort of brute that goes around thinking about devouring Pokemon when there's a perfectly good source of food at the markets, I can honestly say that I haven't.
[Now give him a few years ago and there might be something else running around here he'd consider eating, but that's another story entirely.]
And even if I did, I can't imagine that I, Dio, would go around telling it to complete strangers.
Oh come on, I said I wouldn't actually do it! 'cause yeah, there's plenty of actual food out there. But you never know if you'll get stranded out on the routes somewhere with no civilization or food in sight! You can't tell me you totally wouldn't consider it then, Dio.
[Here he is getting all defensive about it when absolutely no one forced him to call up Dio to spill bizarre secrets.
I wouldn't find myself in such a situation to begin with.
[Get defensive all you like Hagakure, it'll take more than that to rattle his smugness.]
I'm not the type to head out on some sort of wilderness adventure, and even if I was, I'd certainly make sure to prepare beforehand so that something like that didn't occur. So I wouldn't be considering it because I'm not enough of an imbecile to allow the possibility of such a thing happening.
[He's getting soooo many Togami vibes from this guy, goddang.]
Jeez...can't you just humor me for a sec? Just pretend all your perfect planning didn't turn out perfectly! Would you at least be desperate enough to try water from a Water-type Pokemon?
[Because that's another thing he thinks about the possibility of doing, apparently.]
Unfortunately, I'm the type to not suffer fools gladly, so I'm afraid that's simply out of the question.
[Wow.]
Besides, this world has no shortage of water, and bottled water seems to be incredibly common nowadays, so really, you'd have to be, as I said, an imbecile to run into that sort of situation.
[He's just saying.]
Besides, I can hardly imagine any sort of water that comes from a Pokemon to be hygienic. You may as well be drinking dog drool while you're at it.
I guess you're right...and when you put drinking a Pokemon's water like that...
[He can't help but make a slight gagging sound at the description.]
Definitely gonna scratch that one off the desperation list.
Okay but real talk though? It doesn't hurt to think about worst case scenarios. I know a dude who thought he was damn near perfect and lemme tell ya, certain situations beyond your control can happen. It happened to him! I think it brought him down a peg or two.
[...Only very slightly though.
But man, look at him trying to give Dio of all people a life lesson.]
[Mercifully since this is audio only, Hagakure can't see Dio's eye twitch. Does this fool really think that he, Dio, needs life lessons from well, this fool? And he knows all about what happens when things go his way, but being brought down a peg or two? No, not him. Not Dio. Even if that brat Jonathan got a few shots in, he hardly put him in his place. No, if anything, he's just going to take longer to show that little shit where his place is. Beneath him, Dio, of course.
When he starts talking, his voice is clearly a little strained. He's not happy. Far from it.]
Rest assured, if I need life lessons, I'll seek out someone far more qualified than the man who looks at his Pokemon and sees his next meal.
[Similarly, if this were video Dio would be seeing Hagakure's indifferent shrug. That probably wouldn't help his mood at all so it's for the best he didn't see it.
He also chuckles a little...and that obviously can be heard.]
Okay okay, ya got me. Fair enough! Sorry, it's just my thing to drop that kinda stuff since I'm always doing it when I do readings with my clients.
[And shortly after,]
And hey, for the record I never said I'd eat my own Pokemon! That's goin' a bit too far.
[HE HAS SO MANY REGRETS RIGHT NOW. THIS LITTLE SHIT...
Also for the first time this conversation, there's a bit of legitimate anger in Hagakure's voice when he answers that last bit. If there's anything he hates, it's snide comments from people who have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to fortune-telling.]
And that's not how it works. I can't see the entire future- I get pieces of it in the form of visions. I can foresee things, but it's not like I foresaw this particular conversation! Like I said man, I dialed a totally random number. I didn't know what I was gonna get.
[Given that Dio might be the type to give him a break in a literal sense, Hagakure might want to rethink his word choice there.]
That all sounds rather useless if you ask me. A random piece of a thing without context sounds like the type of thing to cause confusion more than it does clarity.
[Yeah, just continuing to talk crap about your talent over here buddy.]
The big thing about my ability is my accuracy. My predictions come exactly true twenty to thirty percent of the time.
[Then, quickly,]
And before you even say something like, "That's such a ridiculously low number! Not worth it!" Just. Just consider that for a sec. I can predict anything with that much accuracy. I am not even messin' around with that.
If I predict to a client that they'll find huge success in something that already involves low odds, there's a higher chance they'll succeed! If I predict failure in something, that's high odds that they won't fail!
[He wasn't going to say ridiculous, so much as he was going to say useless, useless, USELESS. Or muda muda muda if you'd prefer.]
Oh my, when you put it that way...it sounds like a lot of words to say that you can predict anything. Unless you can't. And sometimes, who knows, it might even come true.
[...about the only way he could sound like more of a condescending jerk is if he suddenly aged seven years, became a vampire, and started talking about bread, sorry.]
Ugh, you just don't get it, man. I'm pretty sure there's gonna be no convincing you, either, but that's fine! I have plenty of supporters and that's all that matters!
[He really hates not being able to convince people, but he's beginning to accept that Dio is just...too Dio for that.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
chiming
voice | 2/5
Date: 2016-02-07 07:59 pm (UTC)From:Hey! This is totally random, but can you keep a secret?
I often wonder about how some Pokemon taste. Like, do they taste like their regular world counterparts? Does Vanillite taste like actual ice cream? Would a cooked Inkay taste like ikayaki?
Like...I'm never gonna act on it, but I wonder! Y'know?
[...Discuss, Dio.]
voice | 2/5
Date: 2016-02-07 08:10 pm (UTC)From:Okay, he's not on video, but this face? The one in the userpic? That's the face he's making as he listens to whatever this nonsense is because he specifically said that the messages should be something important. No one should ever waste his time. No one!
But rather than delete what is probably some sort of baffling spam, he'll call back because he would like to address this one personally.]
I believe you must have the wrong number. I'm almost certain absolutely no one in my social circle would inform me, Dio, of such a bizarre and questionable thought.
voice | 2/5
Date: 2016-02-07 08:17 pm (UTC)From:Nah, it wasn't a mistake! I just dialed numbers 'til I got one that would let a call go through.
But...yeah, I know it's weird. But I can't be the only one who's thought about it! Some of these things look like actual food! It's impossible not to consider it!
voice
Date: 2016-02-07 08:31 pm (UTC)From:[Now give him a few years ago and there might be something else running around here he'd consider eating, but that's another story entirely.]
And even if I did, I can't imagine that I, Dio, would go around telling it to complete strangers.
voice
Date: 2016-02-07 08:43 pm (UTC)From:[Here he is getting all defensive about it when absolutely no one forced him to call up Dio to spill bizarre secrets.
That's just how he rolls though.]
voice
Date: 2016-02-07 09:16 pm (UTC)From:[Get defensive all you like Hagakure, it'll take more than that to rattle his smugness.]
I'm not the type to head out on some sort of wilderness adventure, and even if I was, I'd certainly make sure to prepare beforehand so that something like that didn't occur. So I wouldn't be considering it because I'm not enough of an imbecile to allow the possibility of such a thing happening.
voice
Date: 2016-02-07 09:34 pm (UTC)From:Jeez...can't you just humor me for a sec? Just pretend all your perfect planning didn't turn out perfectly! Would you at least be desperate enough to try water from a Water-type Pokemon?
[Because that's another thing he thinks about the possibility of doing, apparently.]
voice
Date: 2016-02-07 09:52 pm (UTC)From:[Wow.]
Besides, this world has no shortage of water, and bottled water seems to be incredibly common nowadays, so really, you'd have to be, as I said, an imbecile to run into that sort of situation.
[He's just saying.]
Besides, I can hardly imagine any sort of water that comes from a Pokemon to be hygienic. You may as well be drinking dog drool while you're at it.
voice
Date: 2016-02-07 10:03 pm (UTC)From:[He can't help but make a slight gagging sound at the description.]
Definitely gonna scratch that one off the desperation list.
Okay but real talk though? It doesn't hurt to think about worst case scenarios. I know a dude who thought he was damn near perfect and lemme tell ya, certain situations beyond your control can happen. It happened to him! I think it brought him down a peg or two.
[...Only very slightly though.
But man, look at him trying to give Dio of all people a life lesson.]
voice
Date: 2016-02-07 10:15 pm (UTC)From:When he starts talking, his voice is clearly a little strained. He's not happy. Far from it.]
Rest assured, if I need life lessons, I'll seek out someone far more qualified than the man who looks at his Pokemon and sees his next meal.
voice
Date: 2016-02-07 11:12 pm (UTC)From:He also chuckles a little...and that obviously can be heard.]
Okay okay, ya got me. Fair enough! Sorry, it's just my thing to drop that kinda stuff since I'm always doing it when I do readings with my clients.
[And shortly after,]
And hey, for the record I never said I'd eat my own Pokemon! That's goin' a bit too far.
voice
Date: 2016-02-08 07:40 am (UTC)From:[Dio's not even sure Hagakure can read, so why would anyone pay him to read anything for them?]
voice
Date: 2016-02-15 05:23 am (UTC)From:[WOW, RUDE, DIO...just because he prefers reading futures over reading actual books...]
voice
Date: 2016-02-15 11:56 pm (UTC)From:[If Hagakure's never heard a twelve year old sound like they're judging his entire existence before...well, this is what it sounds like.]
Couldn't you have predicted how this was going to go?
voice
Date: 2016-02-16 05:56 am (UTC)From:[HE HAS SO MANY REGRETS RIGHT NOW. THIS LITTLE SHIT...
Also for the first time this conversation, there's a bit of legitimate anger in Hagakure's voice when he answers that last bit. If there's anything he hates, it's snide comments from people who have no idea what they're talking about when it comes to fortune-telling.]
And that's not how it works. I can't see the entire future- I get pieces of it in the form of visions. I can foresee things, but it's not like I foresaw this particular conversation! Like I said man, I dialed a totally random number. I didn't know what I was gonna get.
voice
Date: 2016-02-16 06:30 pm (UTC)From:That all sounds rather useless if you ask me. A random piece of a thing without context sounds like the type of thing to cause confusion more than it does clarity.
[Yeah, just continuing to talk crap about your talent over here buddy.]
voice
Date: 2016-02-17 02:58 am (UTC)From:[Is he...agreeing that it's useless a lot of the time, or-]
voice
Date: 2016-02-17 09:03 pm (UTC)From:Are you admitting to being some sort of scam artist?
[...see, this is why he goes to Meridiana for his readings and not you, buddy.]
voice
Date: 2016-02-18 01:43 am (UTC)From:[Yeah, now he's realizing how bad that sounded.]
The big thing about my ability is my accuracy. My predictions come exactly true twenty to thirty percent of the time.
[Then, quickly,]
And before you even say something like, "That's such a ridiculously low number! Not worth it!" Just. Just consider that for a sec. I can predict anything with that much accuracy. I am not even messin' around with that.
If I predict to a client that they'll find huge success in something that already involves low odds, there's a higher chance they'll succeed! If I predict failure in something, that's high odds that they won't fail!
voice
Date: 2016-02-18 03:17 am (UTC)From:Or muda muda muda if you'd prefer.]Oh my, when you put it that way...it sounds like a lot of words to say that you can predict anything. Unless you can't. And sometimes, who knows, it might even come true.
[...about the only way he could sound like more of a condescending jerk is if he suddenly aged seven years, became a vampire, and started talking about bread, sorry.]
voice
Date: 2016-02-22 04:24 am (UTC)From:Ugh, you just don't get it, man. I'm pretty sure there's gonna be no convincing you, either, but that's fine! I have plenty of supporters and that's all that matters!
[He really hates not being able to convince people, but he's beginning to accept that Dio is just...too Dio for that.]
voice
Date: 2016-02-23 01:11 am (UTC)From: